Reviewing Everyone's Blogs

As I began to read through everyone's blogs and observe their daily practice from their point of view, I became jealous of ideas I wish I'd thought of, spiteful of thoughts I disagreed with, and judgemental of thsubjects I felt I understood. When I finished looking over the entire class, I realized how stupid I was being. I realized how much i was focusing on the "I," and how much I still am as I write this. A daily practice should not be about goals and observing another person's practice should not be about critiquing. Each practice is unique to the person who choses it and important because they make it so. Only that person can judge how successful or enlightening or eve just plain comforting their daily practice is to them. It's more about learning that it is about succeeding, and you can learn just as much from a failure as a victory any day. It all depends on how you appoach things.

I really admire the our class goes about their various practices. I find the self criticism to be amzingly acute. Most of us are not afraid to challenge ourselves. Most of all I admire the amount of time and effort everyone seems to put into their work. i feel like I need to spend more time with my practice.

I'm disappointed in myself. Mainly because I feel that I have not done my daily practice frequently enough, and secondly because I don't think I do a good job of describing how it makes me feel on my blog. It is a very personal experience and it would be difficult for anyone to know exactly how it feels without doing it, but there must be a better way to describe it than what I am doing. The less I do my practice the more I feel that I need it. The reason I started playing guitar in the first place is because it helps to center me and calm me. Its more like therapy than playing music. I don't play for the way it sounds necessarily. I play for the way it makes me feel. I do not play cleanly and neatly, I do not keep steady time, and I do not worry if the recording is shit, as I would if I were actually performing. All I care about is how it makes me feel. If I want to slap the strings and make them buzz then I'll do it. I think maybe I should try adding some vocals as well. Not words, just sound, just as the band Sigur Ros does. I think this may produce a more complete expression of my emotions and give me more freedom of improvisation. Although, I shouldn't force anything, I should just let it come.