DP's of 10/24/09 and 10/25/09

10/24/09
I did my DP today with other people in the room. It was alittle hard to concentrate but after a few minutes I got over it. Then I reached a state where i was aware of the others but not distracted by them. I tried letting my mind '"wonder as i watched it." Unfortunately all I could think about was the concept of what I was doing and thus did not successfully do it. I abandoned that idea and just went back to playing the guitar. I tried to gently bring myself back to the guitar without being forceful. I think I'm getting a lot better at entering into the contemplative state and keeping it that way

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10/25/09
I just did an experiment with mirroring, psychological synchronizing. I sat in my room with my room mate as he worked on a script he's writing for a class. I tried to mimic his movements, his breathing, and his behavior, with the sound, the rhythm, and the melody of my guitar. I felt that i was doing a pretty good job. But as i awatched Ryan, I realized that he responded much more acutely to my music than I did to his movements. Sometimes we would both pause at the same time, hoding out breath, and resume at the same time with no verbal or conscious cues
Ryan was unaware of my experiment and unaware of his own mirroring, but never the less he achieved remarkable synchronization. Towards the end Ryan even started whistling to my music, predicting the melody before I played it. I consider this a very successful exploration of mirroring.

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DP 10/20/09 and 10/21/09

10/21/09
To start out with, I played a familiar chord progression that I had used once a few years ago. I usually try to stay away from familiarity but this felt natural so I went with it. But very quickly I began associating too many things with the progression i had made, and it was very difficult to focus, but not so difficult to be aware of my thoughts. My mind was not really wandering, rather it was gazing through all the open doors that could lead to wandering thought. After a few minutes I began experimenting again with other chords. This improved my state of mind considerably, except that now all my efforts lay in problem solving, trying to find a piece of music I resonated with. For me this is the most intriguing stage. O constantly wonder what causes me to think that some things sound right and others sound wrong? Can I change that? Can I ignore that? Could I simply move my fingers aimlessly and just experience the sounds that result with an unbiased ear? Perhaps I will try that some time in the future. But for the moment I typically search around the fretboard until something clicks and then I run with it. Thats what I did today. I found a very simple progression that was new to me but did not require much effort mentally. I played it over and over and just listened, exploring every part of it but never tiring of it. But why this piece? Why this sound. I think this is a question worth exploring.

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10/20/09
I just did my daily practice in 3 parts. Once with My roommates guitar, once with mine, and once with mine after tuning it precisely. I found it was much easier to get into the music and enjoy it when the guitar was tuned properly. Its also generally easier to play on a better guitar. I also realized that I must be happy today because my music definitely came off more up beat than it usually does. ANd generally the happier the music is, the easier it is to get into the zone, though this is not always the case. It seems that each time I play the guitar it takes me a little while to get comfortable with the sound I'm making and the way my fingers are moving. This could be because I never warm up before recording, maybe I should. Would that detract from the purpose or make it too goal oriented? warming up just gets me loose and I don't have to think as much about the physical guitar and I can focus more on the music. It usually takes me about five minutes to get comfortable, though I record this anyway because I feel it is authentic.

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Intuitive un-conscious

About six months ago, three of us were invited to travel to Kuwait in the summer of 2010 to spend a month there filming a full lenth documentary. We were all very enthusiastic, and Rachel and Kawther immediately announced that they would go. When they asked me, I was reluctant to respond. I truly wanted to go, but I just wasn't sure if I would be able to go, and I didn't want to say yes if it turned out to be false.
Right off the bat Rachel said to me "Its ok, you can say no, I know you're not going to go." I protested, insisting that I really wanted to. i said its dangerous to make assumptions. But Rachel stood by what she said. "I just don't think you'll end up going, no matter what you do."
After that we didn't talk about it for a long time. Then these past few weeks, it became an issue again. After months of thinking, of weighing by options, my obligations, my needs, my financial situation, I decided that I can't go. As much as I want to, I just can't. The complications are numerous, and the conflicts of interest incessant, and now, afer countless hours of indecision and torment, I feel certain that I cannot go.
So last night I talked to kawther and Rachel and told them my decision. Rachel said to me, "I kind of knew all along you weren't going, even though I wanted you to." Rachel acted like the intuitive art experts describe in Blink. I acted like the scientists in LA, who wished that one thing to be true, and searched for evidence to back it up. Rachel knows me extremely well, sometimes better than I know myself. This is not the first time she's predicted my actions before they happened.
I admit that I often feel these impulses without listening to them. For example at the beginning of the year I felt that I wante to switch out of sculpture, yet I'm still here. Perhaps I should listen to my intuition more often. but perhaps not. Lately my intuition has been pointing to unpleasant things. I think thats when I'm most reluctant to listen to it.

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Zen Master

I just subscribed to everybody's blogs in the class and in doing so realized that I forgot to post my reaction the the Zen and the Art of Archery Reading. Here it is.

When reading Zen and the Art of Archery I couldn't help thinking about my own experiences in archery. Much as I would have liked to relate the story to my daily practiced, I related to it literally. I can empathize completely with the student and hs inability to shoot as the Master does. Just like him, I am not very good and rarely hit the target. However, every once in a while, when everything aligns just right, and my mind points just in the right direction, the arrow releases with a difinitive feeling of purpose and truth. I always took this to mean that my arms, legs, back, and general posture were all in alignment, that I had correct form. I had never thought that the bow was acting on me.
I think when the master talks about the bow cutting through you, he's referring to the equilibrium of forces and wills. The line from the article that really resonated with me was, "...am I creating tension in the bow, or is the bow creating tension in me?"
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every will there is an equal and opposite will. Of course the bow shoots you, how else do you expect to fire the arrow. I think the master is talking about the oneness of all things. And until you understand that, you will never master anything. Once you have submitted yourself and given yourself up to be part of a whole, that's when mastery comes.

DP 10/18/09

DP 10/18/09
Today was a hectic day and all through the day I kept thinking to myself that I'm not suppposed to let it get this bad. This is the opposite of mindfulness. This is why im doing a daily practice in the first place, to prevent myself from getting like this. I don't want to constantly think about all the things I have to next. I don't want to constantly fret about all the things I didn't do. Today, I thought about my daily practice as just another thing I had to do, and I really didn't like that, so I put it off as long as I could. This gave me time to adjust to my obligations and calm my mind. Still, the DP was harder today than it has been. I broke it up into three segments. I find that this helps if I am having problems. If I feel fine I'll just play straight through for fifteen minutes or more.
At first my mind wondered freely and though I realized it, I didn't even try to stop it. I found that I wanted to think. I enjoyed the spontaneity of it. I observed as my mind did acrobatics. But soon enough I got back to worrying about work and fretting about life and all that other unpleasant stuff. So, I stopped recording and started again. The second time was better and the third time was even better than that. I think I'll make it a personal goal withing the daily practice to continue until I can go at least a minute thinking about nothing but playing the guitar. A minimum of one minful minute each time.

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DP's From 10/13/09 to 10/14/09

10/14/09 night
This was my second daily practice of the day. I wanted to see what it was like after class where we had all just meditated and relaxed and suchlike. it definitely helped. Tonight was perfect. The best one so far. I didn't judge the quality of the music, I didn't stop to correct myself. My mind didn't wander. I was just there.

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10/14/09 morning
Starting out this time was hard. I remember thinking too much about how it sounded. I wasn't satisfied with any of my melodies. This could also have had something to do with my roommates being in the room and making a lot of noise. After about a minute, I decided to start over. I don't think that was really a good idea but the second time starting was much easier. I thought about homework and school a few times in the first couple minutes and it actually took me a while to catch myself. I also noticed that the more I thought about other things, the harder it was to play. After realizing this, I focused on the ease f playing the guitar. THis really helped. It didn't take me very long to get back into the zone and be completely focused on the guitar. This seems to get easier and easier every time I do it. I played for a while like this. I only stopped because my computer went to sleep and I suddenly remembered where I was and what I was doing. I felt self conscious once again. So I stopped.

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10/13/09
I just played before going to bed. I was exhausted. I don't know what i thought of other than my bed. i didn't think of tomorrow. and i didn't think of yesterday, or today, i thought of phrases, musical phrases, as I struggled to find a meodie. I enjoy this search, but enjoy finding good music more than i enjoy the serach. I tried recordong again just for myself and this time i tried to do "make it GOOD" once again i realized my immediate mistake, you cannot express yourself well if you're to preoccupied with being good.

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DP's from 10/07/09

10/07/09
this was the first time i played guitar as a DP and it felt pretty good. it doesn't require much effort on my part of concentration but it holds my attention and its easy to focus on. what i really have to be careful of is coming across existing songs. i think i should try not to play songs at all and just make expressive sounds

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DP 10/10/09
I just played for about 5 minutes. I started with a chord progression i invented with my friend drew so naturally my thoughts wandered towards him but i caught myself very early. the next thought was of my driveway at night but i quickly stopped that too. then for what must of been a minute, I thought of nothing but the guitar, i didn't notice it for a whole minute, and as soon as i did notice it i started thinking about it and i ruined it. But for a while i was completely aware and only aware of the guitar and the sound it made. Completely sensory, with no second thoughts. towards the end my mind wandered further. then i stopped. but upon stopping i started to play again, and immediately felt much freer no that i was not recording any more. I started recording again in an attempt to preserve that freedom and the second time it was much easier to play without inhibition

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DP 10/11/09
Recording makes me a little more nervous. i find that i'm more in the zone if i play before i press record. however this time started out going very well. the danger of improving on the guitar is that if i play anything that sounds similar to anther piece of music i immediately start thinking of things that that other music implies. about halfway through this session i realized that i was getting concerned with how good i sounded. the more i told myself not to be concerned the more concerned i became. so i stopped right in the middle of playing, and started again. this really helped. in the same way during meditation one gently brings oneself back to the present, i can bring my music back to the present.

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