To be really present moment-to-moment is to be completely open to every aspect of the human experience in real time. That is to say, one must experience the world continually and sequentially without being interrupted by an overly active mind. Most of the time, the world provides a stimulus which we receive through our senses before processing it in our mind and deciding upon an appropriate reaction. To be truly present, however, one must eliminate the middle-man we call the mind so that our our bodies may experience the world more openly, honestly and truthfully. In this way our bodies are capable of producing more genuine reactions to the world which we experience.
This is not to say that being truly present moment-to-moment results in unconscious action free of thought or sentiment. On the contrary, one who is truly present may react perfectly consciously, or, as the case may be, he might not react at all. To use a crude analogy, take for example the scenario of two people of different languages communicating through the help of an interpretor.
A French man may say to an English woman, “Ma cherie, je t'aime... Tu me manquais comme tu ne peuvrais jamais savoir.” An interpretor may then say to the English woman, “He said 'my dear, I like you... you have been missed by me like you would never be able to know.” Indeed this would be an accurate translation, but, like any translation, it would be imperfect and could never express the emotion or the true meaning of what was said.
In this way, the interpretor is like a mind who is not entirely present. It interprets an outside stimulus and tries to make sense of it without really being open to it. This English woman, upon hearing these interpreted words, may feel compelled to react a way that she deems fit. Perhaps she will reply simply that she has missed the man in return, not knowing that he was attempting to articulate his undying love for her.
Now take this same scenario but have the interpretor take a few steps back. We are left with a French man spilling his emotions to a woman who cannot understand a word he says. But if she stops trying to translate his words, if she observes him openly, taking in his tone, his body language, the look in his eyes, the way his mouth moves around each word as it is spoken, she may well receive a much more accurate impression of his intention. This time, in response, she may take him by the hand and give him a light kiss on the cheek, or quite possible, she may choose not to react at all. Either way, she will have given a much more honest response than would have been possible with an interpreter. Moreover, this response would not be solicited unconsciously by a false impression. Rather it would be a conscious decision based on an open observation. And best of all, the interpretor, rather than translating, would be free to look on and smile as two people share a moment of connected reality.
It is so with the mind. If one can prevent the mind from interpreting the world around him, one may actually be able to produce genuine reactions to his surroundings. The trick, as one might assume, it not to remove the mind from the equation entirely, but rather to open the mind like a channel through which the world can flow smoothly. Then instead of struggling to control the stream, one can gaze down upon the flowing river of experience and come to truly know its currents.
However, a person in modern society would not get very far if he sat around watching rivers all day. Most of us have jobs, schools or vocations to attend to and cannot afford spend all of our time observation. But as more and more people discover every day, if one works frantically for too long, he will lose that valuable perspective on his work that observation has afforded him. What's more, if one were to observe for too long he might find that he no longer has a task for the observation to inform upon. This is why so many people today are turning to a form of daily practice to with which to inform their lives.
This daily practice may be something as simple as taking an evening walk after dinner, knitting on the subway, drinking a cup of tea, or even sitting on the porch and watching the sunset. Though most people would not refer to their actions as daily practices, each habit provides that particular person an opportunity to observe the world he inhabits and to contemplate on his own situation in that world. In short, each person finds his own way of being present in the world.
There is a growing trend of this so called “presentness” especially in the art world. Many artists today speak of their work as being non-representational or non-symbolic. What they mean to say is that their work is not an abstract of an idea and it is not a crude representation of a physical object. Each work is an object unto itself. Each work is its own being. Richard Serra actually said that his “enormous steel structures are not imitations of natural forms. They are giant pieces of steel that exist In the real world. I don't want them to look like anything people could have experienced before.” Each piece has a life of it's own and should be experienced as such. This is a trend that many choose to call “postmodernism.” I remember in 10th grade I had an art teacher who used to wear enormous earrings cut in the shape of words. Each one was large, pink, and shiny, and spelled two words: “POST MODERN.” I thought these earring were incredible clever because they reversed common misconception about art. These earring were not saying, as many would suspect, that “We are what we are because we say we are.” Instead they are saying, “We say what we are because that is what we are.”
But just as I would argue that many people misunderstand Postmodernism, I would also argue that many people misunderstand the idea of a contemplative aesthetic. Contemplation, at least in the way I'm relating it to presentness, does not really have an aesthetic in the same way that postmodernism does not really have an aesthetic. This is largely due to the fact that the quality of awareness to the present is not contingent upon the quality of present itself. A buddhist monk is able to meditate just as easily in a business suit as he is an an orange robe as I'm sure you are able to contemplate a busy room just as effectively as you can contemplate an empty room. The difference, one might argue, is that one provides tranquility while the other provides distraction. However, this change in environment is really only effecting one's ease of concentration which is hugely different than one's quality of contemplation. While the “Contemplative aesthetic” or “Zen Aesthetic” may be calming to some it is still an environment which that person will have to experience openly. The only real difference between the Zen Aesthetic and a busier more western aesthetic is that one is stripped of important landmarks with which to gauge one's self. Besides, some people may find it infinitely easier to concentrate in the busy streets of manhattan than in a softly-lit blue-green room with tatami mats on the floor and incense burning in the corner. It all depends upon how the person thinks, where he was brought up, and what surroundings he prefers. In short, I believe that quality of contemplation, and subsequently awareness, lies not in the aesthetic but in the perception of said aesthetic, whatever it may be.
That being said, I think that there is a quality shared by those who tend to be better at observing. This quality is impossible to name though it is recognizable at glance, and one can always detect it, no matter what form it takes. One can easily look at a Van Gogh painting and recognize that he had substantial powers of observation. And although one may say that his paintings are not as photographically accurate as another's may be, one can still detect the honestly in its form. And then, if one were to walk to another room in the museum, one could look at a Jackson Pollock painting an know instantly that, although his aesthetic is vastly different that Van Gogh, he still possessed an undeniable ability to observe and perhaps an even greater ability to be aware of the present. I think this quality that is shared by all great artists, that thing we talk about when we say “that man's got it!” has a lot to do with contemplative practice. I don't mean that Van Gogh meditated a lot, or went for walks every night after dinner. I mean that whatever he did, he did it a lot, and he did it well. Just as a buddhist monk may come to a certain revelation after 10,000 hours of meditation, perhaps a painter can achieve perfection after he has completed 10,000 pictures. Perhaps anything, as long as it is done well, can lead to that heightened level of awareness or contemplation. If this is true I think that contemplative practice is crucial to the creative process, even if one is unaware he is doing it.
Very often I think art critics try to refer to the afore-mentioned unnamable quality as universality. This means that most people in the world can relate to the piece so it must be great. The more people who can understand it the better, right? Yes, perhaps. But how does one reach universality and how does one detect it? The answer may very well be contemplation. It makes sense does it not, that a man who has painted landscapes for 50 years may be better than a man who has only panted for one. I also makes sense, does it not, that we as an audience would be able to detect that because we see landscapes every day and have seen them all our lives. However, though we all exist in the same world, it may also be true that some of us pay more attention to the landscape while others may pay more attention tho the people in it or the buildings upon it. Would not the more landscape-minded people be better at both painting and recognizing landscapes? Would they not have contemplate landscapes for longer than others had? It is true that even the most uncultured swine can recognize a bad painting when he sees one. Even a pauper can see that the painter has misrepresented the human form even if he can not describe exactly how he knows. This I believe, is largely due to the fact that our minds are getting in the way of our perceptions. On both the part of the artist and the observer, the mind is clouding the honesty of the world. but if the artist really spent time with his subject and really contemplated the human form, perhaps he would be able to render it more faithfully. And similarly if the observer had spent more time contemplating the human figure he too would more easily be able to point out the flaws in the artist's work. If an artist is open enough and truly present in the moment, then even the most unaware of observers should be able to look at the piece and say “that man's got it!” Of course the art critic would say, “he has achieved universality!”
Of course contemplation improves the quality of communication. It's as simple as the old adage, “Think before you speak.” However it is careful to note that contemplation only improves the quality of anything by increasing one's awareness of that thing. I doubt that all talented musicians or even athletes contemplate very much before a performance. I think that some people just have a knack for immersing themselves in the moment. Of course, this ability is probably achieved by constant practice and repetition, though not necessarily formal contemplation. To quote someone who may or may not have been very contemplative, “Practice makes perfect.” What else is there to say?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Final Video
This is my final Video for Contemplative Arts and Society. It was made with flash player. At some point I would like to go back and improve it. But for now this is what it is.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
DP 12/01/09 to 12/06/09
12/06/09
Playing tonight was strange. I've not been myself the past two days. I have no sense of time, or space for that matter. I've lost all my drive, all my enthusiasm. I feel constantly zoned out. Its not that I'm really distracted, its more like I have less thoughts. Braindead. Maybe thats the word. I knew where my mind was pretty much the whole time tonight, because it wasn't really moving. It was just blahhhh. blaaaaaahhhhhhhh. bllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. That pretty much how I feel right now. This happens to me a few times a year. It usually lasts about a week. There's not much I can do about it. I just wait it out. I used to think that when I felt this way I might become extremely creative and that I could harness this kind of depression into artistic energy. Unfortunately that it generally not the case. There is nothing to harness. Just apathy. I need a change. This is not how I'm supposed to be. On another note, I think I'm becoming more self centered, not necessarily selfish, just more concerned with the self. I don't really like it so much. I think being self aware makes you more considerate while being self centered makes you more narrow-minded. And that is definitely something I'd prefer not to be.
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12/04/09
Up until now I've tried not to play anything that i was familiar with. I thought that this would distract me via the association of the songs I played. But today I tried a new tactic. I played whatever I wanted, not worrying about whether or not I knew what it was. Not worrying about whether it was easy or hard or catchy or bad. I just played what felt good. This actually took some pressure off. I wasn't even aware there was a pressure to play original stuff until now. I was trying constantly to make new interestng and original music. Not really constantly, but it was always int he back of my mind. I think making original things is so much easier to do when you're not worrying about it. Oddly enough I tried a similar thing in my landscape painting class. I tried drawing without worring about the ruls of perspective or measuring or sighting or proportions. I just drew what was natural to me and my drawing definitely improved. Before I knew it everyone was coming over to look at my drawing and complimenting how great the proportions and the perspective where and how the lines were so free and unrestrained. I thought this was really funny.
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12/03/09
I'm tired tonight. Practice seems like work. its laborious and tedious. I think there might be something wrong with my adrenal gland or something, I just feel tired all the time. Even when I get enough sleep I feel like I need more sleep. I miss home. I miss my family, my friends, my girlfriend. I miss home-cooked food. I miss having a job. I want to go home. COming back to school feels so weird after going home for five days, especially since there is only 2 weeks left. I feel like I should have just stayed home. On the positive side, I tutored high school kids at Nottingham today and it was great. I successfully taught a girl how to graph solution sets for binomial inequalities in geometry. I didn't even know I knew how to do that. Then I helped some other kids with their Trig homework and taught them the rule of sides. I think one of the most gratifying feelings in the world is teaching someone something new and getting them to understand it so they can do it without you. In short, I think teaching is very gratifying. I think that's why I could never be a Buddhist monk. I would need to interact with people on a daily basis to be happy. I'm not really one for solitude. I believe one does need a certain amount of time for one's self. For instance, this daily practice has become very valuable to me. However, I always seem to enjoy guitar more when I'm playing with other people.
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12/01/09
Today felt a lot better than yesterday. But it was an odd experience. I used an actual microphone and an M-Audio recorder to record myself instead of the built-in mic on my macbook. I also hooked up a pair of headphones so I could hear myself in stereo as I played. that was the weird part. I could hear every little sound my guitar made as if it were right in my ear. This definitely affected what I played. I thought it was funny because suddenly I was much more aware of the guitar without necessarily being more aware of my mind. However, I did have this thought while I was playing which at least shows some self awareness. Actually, today was not bad in terms of distractions and mind wandering. I stayed pretty focused, but I was always aware that I was thinking of something. I never really got to that point where I wasn't thinking of anything.
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Playing tonight was strange. I've not been myself the past two days. I have no sense of time, or space for that matter. I've lost all my drive, all my enthusiasm. I feel constantly zoned out. Its not that I'm really distracted, its more like I have less thoughts. Braindead. Maybe thats the word. I knew where my mind was pretty much the whole time tonight, because it wasn't really moving. It was just blahhhh. blaaaaaahhhhhhhh. bllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. That pretty much how I feel right now. This happens to me a few times a year. It usually lasts about a week. There's not much I can do about it. I just wait it out. I used to think that when I felt this way I might become extremely creative and that I could harness this kind of depression into artistic energy. Unfortunately that it generally not the case. There is nothing to harness. Just apathy. I need a change. This is not how I'm supposed to be. On another note, I think I'm becoming more self centered, not necessarily selfish, just more concerned with the self. I don't really like it so much. I think being self aware makes you more considerate while being self centered makes you more narrow-minded. And that is definitely something I'd prefer not to be.
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12/04/09
Up until now I've tried not to play anything that i was familiar with. I thought that this would distract me via the association of the songs I played. But today I tried a new tactic. I played whatever I wanted, not worrying about whether or not I knew what it was. Not worrying about whether it was easy or hard or catchy or bad. I just played what felt good. This actually took some pressure off. I wasn't even aware there was a pressure to play original stuff until now. I was trying constantly to make new interestng and original music. Not really constantly, but it was always int he back of my mind. I think making original things is so much easier to do when you're not worrying about it. Oddly enough I tried a similar thing in my landscape painting class. I tried drawing without worring about the ruls of perspective or measuring or sighting or proportions. I just drew what was natural to me and my drawing definitely improved. Before I knew it everyone was coming over to look at my drawing and complimenting how great the proportions and the perspective where and how the lines were so free and unrestrained. I thought this was really funny.
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12/03/09
I'm tired tonight. Practice seems like work. its laborious and tedious. I think there might be something wrong with my adrenal gland or something, I just feel tired all the time. Even when I get enough sleep I feel like I need more sleep. I miss home. I miss my family, my friends, my girlfriend. I miss home-cooked food. I miss having a job. I want to go home. COming back to school feels so weird after going home for five days, especially since there is only 2 weeks left. I feel like I should have just stayed home. On the positive side, I tutored high school kids at Nottingham today and it was great. I successfully taught a girl how to graph solution sets for binomial inequalities in geometry. I didn't even know I knew how to do that. Then I helped some other kids with their Trig homework and taught them the rule of sides. I think one of the most gratifying feelings in the world is teaching someone something new and getting them to understand it so they can do it without you. In short, I think teaching is very gratifying. I think that's why I could never be a Buddhist monk. I would need to interact with people on a daily basis to be happy. I'm not really one for solitude. I believe one does need a certain amount of time for one's self. For instance, this daily practice has become very valuable to me. However, I always seem to enjoy guitar more when I'm playing with other people.
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12/01/09
Today felt a lot better than yesterday. But it was an odd experience. I used an actual microphone and an M-Audio recorder to record myself instead of the built-in mic on my macbook. I also hooked up a pair of headphones so I could hear myself in stereo as I played. that was the weird part. I could hear every little sound my guitar made as if it were right in my ear. This definitely affected what I played. I thought it was funny because suddenly I was much more aware of the guitar without necessarily being more aware of my mind. However, I did have this thought while I was playing which at least shows some self awareness. Actually, today was not bad in terms of distractions and mind wandering. I stayed pretty focused, but I was always aware that I was thinking of something. I never really got to that point where I wasn't thinking of anything.
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Tuesday, December 1, 2009
DP's 11/29/09 and 11/30/09
11/30/09
Today wasn't really any better than yesterday. My mind was just as distracted and just as tired. I came close to falling asleep during my practice. I found it very hard to even get into my practice state in the first place. I keep feeling like there are so many more important things i could be doing. Daily practices are god that way. They can tell you a lot about where your priorities lie at a certain moment. Like today I really wanted to talk to my girlfriend because I won't be able to see or talk to her for two weeks starting tomorrow. I really do think that my practice suffers the less I do it. I mean its obvious, but I also think its hard because i hadd to whittle for five days instead of playing guitar. I think it helps to do the same thing every day. Hence the name, Daily Practice.
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11/29/09
This is when I got back to Syracuse and picked up a guitar for the first time in 5 days.
AAAAARRRRHHHHGGGG!!!! I couldn't concentrate at all. My mind kept wandering, I kept noticing where my mind was. but it was so hard to bring back. very unresponsive. Very uncooperative. almost like a dream you can't control. i was pretty tired. maybe that was it. I became way too concerned with the music and what i was trying to play. thats a problem. Especially if I'm TRYING to play instead of just playing. I think I have more going on right now that I usually do. More work to worry about, more family events, more obligations. I couldn't stop thinking about all those things. However, I was decently aware of what I was thinking. I just couldn't stop it. This is very disconcerting.
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Today wasn't really any better than yesterday. My mind was just as distracted and just as tired. I came close to falling asleep during my practice. I found it very hard to even get into my practice state in the first place. I keep feeling like there are so many more important things i could be doing. Daily practices are god that way. They can tell you a lot about where your priorities lie at a certain moment. Like today I really wanted to talk to my girlfriend because I won't be able to see or talk to her for two weeks starting tomorrow. I really do think that my practice suffers the less I do it. I mean its obvious, but I also think its hard because i hadd to whittle for five days instead of playing guitar. I think it helps to do the same thing every day. Hence the name, Daily Practice.
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11/29/09
This is when I got back to Syracuse and picked up a guitar for the first time in 5 days.
AAAAARRRRHHHHGGGG!!!! I couldn't concentrate at all. My mind kept wandering, I kept noticing where my mind was. but it was so hard to bring back. very unresponsive. Very uncooperative. almost like a dream you can't control. i was pretty tired. maybe that was it. I became way too concerned with the music and what i was trying to play. thats a problem. Especially if I'm TRYING to play instead of just playing. I think I have more going on right now that I usually do. More work to worry about, more family events, more obligations. I couldn't stop thinking about all those things. However, I was decently aware of what I was thinking. I just couldn't stop it. This is very disconcerting.
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DP's 11/25/09 to 11/27/09
11/27/09
I discovered a new technique today. Previously I'd been carving aggressively with my right hand or else I was holding the blade to the wood with my right hand and pushing the blade gently with the thumb of my left hand. I discovered today that if you push gently with your opposite thumb in a smooth sweeping motion (instead of pushing) you can actually slice through the wood and peel off much cleaner layers or shavings. it also feels much smoother and more rhythmic. Today was better that both yesterday and the day before. I was very much involved with the wood and very little involved in the world around me. Outside thoughts did not feel so much like intrusions but more like slight waves in the pool of water. Eventually each wave dies down and the water is calm again. The key is not to fight it. Embrace it. Become aware of it, and the embrace will become more powerful that thought itself. Soon the acceptance of the thought becomes the new thought, and then no thought at all. Instead just an easy relaxed focus.
11/26/09
Today was a little more hectic than yesterday. After all it is thanksgiving. Whittling came as more of a relief today than it did the first time. It really is very soothing. And I think its very good for people who may have problems with goal orientation. With whittling you are very limited in what shapes you can make by the grain of the wood and the shape of the piece you start out with. It also depends what kind of blade you have. This doesn't mean you don't have freedom. You still choose where to put your knife and what pieces to take off at which time. What makes it different that guitar is that by the end of the session you will not have produced anything whole. There will be no resulting song or sculpture or piece or composition. There is simply the evidence that you have worked the wood one way or another. Moreover, its very difficult to carve the wood exactly how you want it. In fact, most of the time, the wood is really carving you. Just like the buddhist master who lets the bow shoot through him. Unfortunately I had most of these thoughts while carving the wood instead of after it. Which meant that for a good few minutes my mind wandered, but I got back on track afterwards. I really enjoy this as an alternative to guitar.
11/25/09
I had a hard time finding a ride home this thanksgiving and when I did the driver's car was too small to fit my guitar so I had to go home without it. I thought maybe I could play my sister's guitar instead but she also had to leave it at college for the same reason. In search of a practice, I picked up whittling. This worked very well. I find to be it very relaxing. It's physically engaging without being mentally straining. Similar to guitar. While there is no musical aspect involved, there is the shape of the wood, and the feel and the texture. I wouldn't say its goal oriented, because I have know Idea what I've trying to carve right now. I'm just putting knife to wood in anyway thats pleasing to me. I found it surprisingly easy to focus. The wood is a problem that i can solve without having to use words or complex thoughts. Its fairly intuitive and very right brain. I would definitely recommend it as a practice in the future.
I discovered a new technique today. Previously I'd been carving aggressively with my right hand or else I was holding the blade to the wood with my right hand and pushing the blade gently with the thumb of my left hand. I discovered today that if you push gently with your opposite thumb in a smooth sweeping motion (instead of pushing) you can actually slice through the wood and peel off much cleaner layers or shavings. it also feels much smoother and more rhythmic. Today was better that both yesterday and the day before. I was very much involved with the wood and very little involved in the world around me. Outside thoughts did not feel so much like intrusions but more like slight waves in the pool of water. Eventually each wave dies down and the water is calm again. The key is not to fight it. Embrace it. Become aware of it, and the embrace will become more powerful that thought itself. Soon the acceptance of the thought becomes the new thought, and then no thought at all. Instead just an easy relaxed focus.
11/26/09
Today was a little more hectic than yesterday. After all it is thanksgiving. Whittling came as more of a relief today than it did the first time. It really is very soothing. And I think its very good for people who may have problems with goal orientation. With whittling you are very limited in what shapes you can make by the grain of the wood and the shape of the piece you start out with. It also depends what kind of blade you have. This doesn't mean you don't have freedom. You still choose where to put your knife and what pieces to take off at which time. What makes it different that guitar is that by the end of the session you will not have produced anything whole. There will be no resulting song or sculpture or piece or composition. There is simply the evidence that you have worked the wood one way or another. Moreover, its very difficult to carve the wood exactly how you want it. In fact, most of the time, the wood is really carving you. Just like the buddhist master who lets the bow shoot through him. Unfortunately I had most of these thoughts while carving the wood instead of after it. Which meant that for a good few minutes my mind wandered, but I got back on track afterwards. I really enjoy this as an alternative to guitar.
11/25/09
I had a hard time finding a ride home this thanksgiving and when I did the driver's car was too small to fit my guitar so I had to go home without it. I thought maybe I could play my sister's guitar instead but she also had to leave it at college for the same reason. In search of a practice, I picked up whittling. This worked very well. I find to be it very relaxing. It's physically engaging without being mentally straining. Similar to guitar. While there is no musical aspect involved, there is the shape of the wood, and the feel and the texture. I wouldn't say its goal oriented, because I have know Idea what I've trying to carve right now. I'm just putting knife to wood in anyway thats pleasing to me. I found it surprisingly easy to focus. The wood is a problem that i can solve without having to use words or complex thoughts. Its fairly intuitive and very right brain. I would definitely recommend it as a practice in the future.
11/22/09 and 11/23/09
11/23/09
Evidentally I was really distracted today as well. I actually started out alright. But 30 seconds into my practice I decided I was unhappy with the sound and wanted to started over. As soon as I started recording again I knew I had been silly to stop. No as I write this I realize that it was just as silly to chide myself for being silly. I should just move forward. Anyway I starte recording again and for two minutes I think I didn't have a problem. I was focused, I was playing, it all seemed to work. Then suddenly I hit a wall. I got distracted by something and couldn't get it out of my head. It kept coming back, stronger each time and each time I got more upset with the distraction. Another mistake. This went on for several minutes until my roommates returned to the room and started talking. I zoned out completely as i listened to them and eventually stopped playing guitar all together. (the clip I've posted cuts off just as I stop playing) When I came to, I stopped recording and tried to orient myself. I started agan and played for a little while but it was no use. I left pretty dissatisfied.
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11/22/09
Today was weird. I had felt weird all day. The practice didn't seem to make any difference. I'm not really sure if my mind wandered. I wasn't really aware of it in the way I usually am. Which probably means I was thinking of other things, though I can't remember them. Suffice to say my mind was not all on the guitar. I tried a few different things to get bak into the groove, but it all seemed so pointed. I knew that I was trying to achieve a goal, to have a good practice, which didn't make sense. I didn't feel like I was doing it for me. I felt more like I was just doing it to fill the 3-5 days a week requirement. I didn't like it at all. And I'm not even proud of the music I created.
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Evidentally I was really distracted today as well. I actually started out alright. But 30 seconds into my practice I decided I was unhappy with the sound and wanted to started over. As soon as I started recording again I knew I had been silly to stop. No as I write this I realize that it was just as silly to chide myself for being silly. I should just move forward. Anyway I starte recording again and for two minutes I think I didn't have a problem. I was focused, I was playing, it all seemed to work. Then suddenly I hit a wall. I got distracted by something and couldn't get it out of my head. It kept coming back, stronger each time and each time I got more upset with the distraction. Another mistake. This went on for several minutes until my roommates returned to the room and started talking. I zoned out completely as i listened to them and eventually stopped playing guitar all together. (the clip I've posted cuts off just as I stop playing) When I came to, I stopped recording and tried to orient myself. I started agan and played for a little while but it was no use. I left pretty dissatisfied.
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11/22/09
Today was weird. I had felt weird all day. The practice didn't seem to make any difference. I'm not really sure if my mind wandered. I wasn't really aware of it in the way I usually am. Which probably means I was thinking of other things, though I can't remember them. Suffice to say my mind was not all on the guitar. I tried a few different things to get bak into the groove, but it all seemed so pointed. I knew that I was trying to achieve a goal, to have a good practice, which didn't make sense. I didn't feel like I was doing it for me. I felt more like I was just doing it to fill the 3-5 days a week requirement. I didn't like it at all. And I'm not even proud of the music I created.
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Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wooden Ball
On thursday afternoon, Steph, Pete, Qentin and I took the wooden ball into Schine student center. We entered at different times to disguise the fact that we knew each other, then, starting with pete. We kicked the ball around and attempted to inerest others in the game.
As soon as Pete put the ball on the ground, people started to look at him strangely. There were two guys standing in the corner. Two girls sitting on a bench. And one girl walking around. Pete started by kicking it to the guys standing and talking. They attempted to ignore him and let the ball rest at their feet. Awkwardly, Pete walked over and scooped the ball back with his feet and kicked it to Steph who kicked it to the girl walking by. She was also unresponsive. But the more we failed, and the more commotion we made, the more we drew people's attention. The two girls sitting down, who were also the farthest from the action, became very interested. When I finally kicked the ball over to them they recieved it well, and kicked it back to me. Using them as a jumping off point, we slowly got 3 or 4 other people to join in. Even the two guys talking who had completely ignored us, eventually kicked it around with us. Unfortunately they seemed more bothered than amused. I think our location was a difficult one because it was not a place where people normally had a reason to sit around and wait. Most people were just passing through. And the people who were just sitting around were reading or talking and wanted to keep it that way.
As soon as Pete put the ball on the ground, people started to look at him strangely. There were two guys standing in the corner. Two girls sitting on a bench. And one girl walking around. Pete started by kicking it to the guys standing and talking. They attempted to ignore him and let the ball rest at their feet. Awkwardly, Pete walked over and scooped the ball back with his feet and kicked it to Steph who kicked it to the girl walking by. She was also unresponsive. But the more we failed, and the more commotion we made, the more we drew people's attention. The two girls sitting down, who were also the farthest from the action, became very interested. When I finally kicked the ball over to them they recieved it well, and kicked it back to me. Using them as a jumping off point, we slowly got 3 or 4 other people to join in. Even the two guys talking who had completely ignored us, eventually kicked it around with us. Unfortunately they seemed more bothered than amused. I think our location was a difficult one because it was not a place where people normally had a reason to sit around and wait. Most people were just passing through. And the people who were just sitting around were reading or talking and wanted to keep it that way.
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