Sunday, November 22, 2009

Wooden Ball

On thursday afternoon, Steph, Pete, Qentin and I took the wooden ball into Schine student center. We entered at different times to disguise the fact that we knew each other, then, starting with pete. We kicked the ball around and attempted to inerest others in the game.

As soon as Pete put the ball on the ground, people started to look at him strangely. There were two guys standing in the corner. Two girls sitting on a bench. And one girl walking around. Pete started by kicking it to the guys standing and talking. They attempted to ignore him and let the ball rest at their feet. Awkwardly, Pete walked over and scooped the ball back with his feet and kicked it to Steph who kicked it to the girl walking by. She was also unresponsive. But the more we failed, and the more commotion we made, the more we drew people's attention. The two girls sitting down, who were also the farthest from the action, became very interested. When I finally kicked the ball over to them they recieved it well, and kicked it back to me. Using them as a jumping off point, we slowly got 3 or 4 other people to join in. Even the two guys talking who had completely ignored us, eventually kicked it around with us. Unfortunately they seemed more bothered than amused. I think our location was a difficult one because it was not a place where people normally had a reason to sit around and wait. Most people were just passing through. And the people who were just sitting around were reading or talking and wanted to keep it that way.

Monday, November 16, 2009

DP's from 11/13/09 to 11/16/09

11/16/09
Today I felt really good coming into the practice, which is good, but I also felt a little hyper. As one might expect, I found it extremely difficult to concentrate at the beginning of the practice. I was falling in love with the idea of music and where it takes me. I took me to the point where I forgot why I was doing the practice and had to work hard to right myself again. There was once I actualy stopped playing, not to stop myself from being distracted, but because my mind had wandered so far I actually forgot to keep playing. THat was the ultimate low. It could only get better from there, and it did. I experimented more in the second half and I even began singing near the end to keep myself focused. I found that the act of singing and playing at the same time requires so much coordination that mind had very little room to do anything else. This may be a good tactic in the future. But I run the risk of the words taking over and becoming the focus of my attention. I think included the beginning because I think its important to show how I get started. But I also included the end so you could see what it sounds like with vocals.


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11/15/09
Today's practice hit the spot. I ran around today, going about my work. Feeling busy, meeting deadlines, worrying about tomorrow, etc. But when I got home to my practice I knew I was going to enjoy it. I mentioned a few days ago that I haven't been practicing as much as I'd like to and that I feel I'm depriving myself. Thats how i felt going home today to my guitar. I wanted to play so badly. And I did. I felt good going in. But I felt better going out.


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11/13/09
Today was ok. I got some work done, but i can feel myself rapidly losing control. THe stress is getting to me. The work is piling up. And I have so many things I'm dying to think about. My daily practice usually calms me down, but today it didn't really do that. I was nearly as distracted when I finished as when I'd begun. Thats not to say I didn't enjoy it. I felt really good. There's a certain exhilaration that comes from having a lot on ones mind. I was definitely concentrating on the music, but my motives were not the same as they usually were. I was trying to get it over with and I was looking at the clock as I did it. I did not feel as deep a connection with myself as I usually do. I also noticed that I clenched the guitar pretty hard and my fingers hurt afterwards.


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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

DP 11/08/09 and 11/10/09

11/10/09
I only practiced two time this week and I'm disappointed in myself. The reason music teachers tell you to practice everyday is so you don't forget how to play, which is exactly what happens when I don't practice. I tried something Interesting. I shut the door to my room and pulled the curtains and turned off all the lights so I couldn't look at anything, not even the guitar. it was harder to play without seeing my fingers and at first this hindered me. i found it very difficult to let loose. Slowly i became more accustomed to it, but i never reaches that state of freedom that I usually do. I'd like to try it again. tomorrow night. I'm also going to practice early tomorrow morning to see if the time of day affects the practice. I;ve been meaning to do that for a while. I can't really say to much else about this practice because I was so tired. i really think that to get anything out of this I should be awake. Right now the biggest thing I'm getting out of it is that I need more sleep.


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11/08/09
Today was weird. Actually the whole weekend was weird. The whole time I felt like i was sleep deprived even though I wasn't. I had a hard time concentrating, which really got in the way of writing my short story. This morning i took some vitamins to see if it would help. I don't think it did. I had a really hard time getting into the guitar today. I stopped myself from wandering a few times in the beginning, but everytime i slowd down or stopped, i kept thinking to myself how much i didn't like what i was doing. It wasn't until the last few minutes that i felt comfortable playing. Usually i get into my comfort zone within the first three minutes. My whole day as like that. I react the same way to guitar as I do to writing and woodwoorking. i think i should try practicing in the morning as much as possible. I usually feel at the height of my creativity in the morning. I've also only practiced three times the last two weeks. I think this really takes a toll on the ease of the process. I think it would be beneficial for me to practicea as much as possible.


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Questioning my practice

What is the experience of my DP? Mind and Body?

My practice is extremely introverted. When I play a look at my fingers and if if I don't need to look then I close my eyes. The act of playing a guitar usually requires me to bend over slightly and hold it pretty tightly to my body so that I'm really cradling it in my arms. Its also very physically demanding of my arms and my hands so theres that aspect of adrenaline and endorphins coming into play. I never play the same thing twice, and I never play anything I know. It's improve. It's impressions. It's basically just me apllying my sense of creativity and organization to my world though my hands and my ears any way I chose. It's easy not to think in words because I'n not hearing words and I'm not playing words and I'm not feeling words. There is just the guitar and always the guitar. The room and the persons in it do not matter in the least. When I get really into it I start tapping my foot and rocking back and forth and humming with the music. Thats the best.

How do you reach the mind body state of your DP?
I sit down and I play. The act of playing forces me into the state within a few minutes whether I like it or not. If I'm really distracted then my finger's won't move. Its as simple as that. The process of tuning and fixing the strings usually helps as well, but it's all the same in the end. The only thing i would say I do is pretend the clock doesn't exist. If I feel pressured by time I'll never be able to play and won't get anything out of the practice. Sometimes I've even late to things because I play too long. But I prefer it that way.

How do you bring yourself back to the present?
I continue playing. I used to stop playing but I realize not that when i stop and the music goes away it just gives my mind more room to wander. If I keep moving my fingers and gently bring my mind back I'll become interested in the sound I'm making and jump right back in the saddle. The less I stop the easier it is.

Where do you practice? What environment?
I practice in my dorm room. It's sall and suffy and the couch is uncomfortable but it all goes away when I play. I think it helps to be in a familiar place because I know there's nothing interesting around me to be a distraction

What physical qualities do you associate with the practice?
The wood of the guitar and the steel of the strings is the first thing. Tension is a big one, both in the strings and my hands. Fingernails, callouses, picks, sweat. The sound is very important. The guitar is a form of resistance at which i can hurl all my energy. This is what makes the experience for me.

What other senses do you engage?
Hearing and touch are the most important and they are equally important. I usually close my eyes to sight is really not much aof a factor. Taste is completely ignored. However, there is a distinct smell to my guitar and I'm always very aware of it. So naturally I become aware of the smells of my room on any given day as well.

Reviewing Everyone's Blogs

As I began to read through everyone's blogs and observe their daily practice from their point of view, I became jealous of ideas I wish I'd thought of, spiteful of thoughts I disagreed with, and judgemental of thsubjects I felt I understood. When I finished looking over the entire class, I realized how stupid I was being. I realized how much i was focusing on the "I," and how much I still am as I write this. A daily practice should not be about goals and observing another person's practice should not be about critiquing. Each practice is unique to the person who choses it and important because they make it so. Only that person can judge how successful or enlightening or eve just plain comforting their daily practice is to them. It's more about learning that it is about succeeding, and you can learn just as much from a failure as a victory any day. It all depends on how you appoach things.

I really admire the our class goes about their various practices. I find the self criticism to be amzingly acute. Most of us are not afraid to challenge ourselves. Most of all I admire the amount of time and effort everyone seems to put into their work. i feel like I need to spend more time with my practice.

I'm disappointed in myself. Mainly because I feel that I have not done my daily practice frequently enough, and secondly because I don't think I do a good job of describing how it makes me feel on my blog. It is a very personal experience and it would be difficult for anyone to know exactly how it feels without doing it, but there must be a better way to describe it than what I am doing. The less I do my practice the more I feel that I need it. The reason I started playing guitar in the first place is because it helps to center me and calm me. Its more like therapy than playing music. I don't play for the way it sounds necessarily. I play for the way it makes me feel. I do not play cleanly and neatly, I do not keep steady time, and I do not worry if the recording is shit, as I would if I were actually performing. All I care about is how it makes me feel. If I want to slap the strings and make them buzz then I'll do it. I think maybe I should try adding some vocals as well. Not words, just sound, just as the band Sigur Ros does. I think this may produce a more complete expression of my emotions and give me more freedom of improvisation. Although, I shouldn't force anything, I should just let it come.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

DP's from 11/2/09 to 11/4/09

11/4/09
Today felt really good. Even better than monday. I started with nothing, and made it into something. There were times when my mind wandered but I always caught it quickly. I always brought it back. I focused. I concentrated. I observed. I made music and I liked it. ANd I was aware of myself thinking that I liked it. I saw everything, I heard everything. When I made "mistakes" I didn't mind. There were still noise. They were still enjoyable. Even warming up in the beginning, which i usually dislike, felt wonderful for me


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11/3/09
Tonight was like playing in a dream. I was extremely tired when I picked up the guitar and did not have the energy to play loud of fast. I plucked and I strummed and basically just did my thing without thinking about it. Soon I let the music distract me and, without stopping, I began to drift off into a sort of daydream where the music informed the story. I saw a future me, doing future things. Growing older, growing up, graduating, getting a job, family, the whole thing. typical dream. Suddenly I realized where I was and I think I stopped playing for a moment. When I tried to continue it was very difficult to focus. In the end I may have fallen asleep with my guitar in hand. I've been feeling really stressed out lately and I think it definitely effects my practice.



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11/2/09
This was a really good session. I know you're not supposed to say that it was good or bad, but it made me feel very good. I was in a pretty flustered state when i started and by the end I was calm and aware and alert. the music seemed to work really well for me. I had never played those progressions before and never combined those sorts of plucks and strums and notes and harmonies. Everything felt new, but everything felt comfortable. It was simple, yet effective, and it held my attention. This may have been the first time where I can not remember thinking of anything else outside the guitar and the music. It really helps for me to like what I hear, it keeps me interested, and it keeps me waiting for the next moment, and the next, and the next, always aware, always attentive. I'm very happy with the way this practice is going.


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Right Listening

11/3/09
Right listening
It was funny reading this article because I had been thinking about most of Mark Brady's points all through the week before I had even read the article. Every time I meet someone new and initiate the getting-to-know-you conversation, I try to refrain from interrupting, hijacking he story, focusing on I, verbal attacks, defense systems, and misinterpretation. These are all things I practice daily. When start a conversation with someone by asking a question, very often the person does not give a full answer, or they answer answer the literal question without delving into the truth of the matter and revealing their thoughts. Usually I do not want my question to go to waste, I asked it for a reason, and I want to know the answer. Using a combination of all the techniques mentioned in the article, I persist until the final truth comes to the surface, and the emotional content is revealed.

The problem with becoming a skilled listener as Mark Brady describes it occurs when you meet someone else who is also a good listener. If both speakers are simultaneously avoiding the use of the word "I," asking repetitive questions, and refraining from focus changes, then the conversation con reach a stalemate very quickly. Just as you trust the speaker to disclose his emotions to you, you must also be prepared to disclose you emotions to him. Offering him all the same opportunities for listening that he gave you. The best listening will always occur along side a good speaker, someone who does not holdback. Skilled listening only takes you halfway. If both parties are practicing good listening and open speaking, great conversation will result. Sometimes a speaker will become uncomfortable with the level of disclosure or else feel that he is dominating the conversation. Knowing when to take up the mantle and give the other person something to listen to is what separates a good listener from a great conversationalist. One of the most effective ways of proving that one has thoroughly digested another's speech, is to make a joke involving the content just disclosed. If one can create a humorous or ironic scenario that causes the speaker to laugh, he now knows that you have understood the nuance of what he has explained. And he gets the satisfaction of a good joke.

Today I spoke with two of my room mates, Dan and Ryan, about their classes and their days. I asked them about upcoming assignments and past classes, what they enjoyed and disliked, what they were interested in and what bored them. I asked questions until I got answers, checking with them occasionally to make sure I understood, but never saying anything about myself until I was asked to. In about ten minutes I got Ryan to explain to me all the concepts he had covered in his film theory class, complete with examples and nuances. Afterwords, we made jokes about how to use pretext, intertext, and meta-autonomism in film. Then I told Ryan about this class, and the exercise I had just done. He listened well, as he always does.

When I spoke to Dan, he very reserved as he always is. One always has to read between the lines. He is typically bound by politeness and good manners and never wishes to offend anyone regardless of their physical presence or lack thereof. When I asked him how his PolySci class was going he gave the usual "Fine," which meant that it was unsatisfactory and he wished it was more interesting. Upon interrogation he supplied that his class today seemed somewhat pointless and that the prompts for his essay do not interest him in the least, though he didn't exactly come right out and say that. I've noticed that whenever Dan wants me to question him further, he pauses for a second and looks straight at me for a moment after he's finished his sentence. When he does this, even if he's told me he doesn't want to talk about it, he wants me to question him further. Complaining without provocation is something Dan tries never to do. I think he finds it much easy to speak his mind and complain when someone else is demanding it of him